Through The Devil's Eyes - YnM

Lead me not into temptation, for I can find it on my own…

I have led myself to many temptations in my thirty-two years of existence. Many of these temptations were the same as ever other human had—temptations to take what wasn’t mine, temptations to ruin another’s fortune because my own didn’t appear so well, and temptations to meddle with magics no other living being had mastered.

I managed to quite easily fulfill all of these temptations—I took what wasn’t mine, I ruined another’s fortune because they didn’t deserve a life so grand, and I learned to tame and control the darkest of magics.

But, the greatest temptation I have ever led myself to still tempts me to this day, to this hour, to this very moment. This temptation is the lust of the most beautiful creature to ever be created by God, the most perfect being to ever walk the face of this world. This temptation has a name, and that name is Asato Tsuzuki.

For all that I am worth, this amethyst-eyed God of Death that I lust after has still managed to elude my grasp. I think I might have had him by now, but an older temptation of mine keeps getting in the way.

Once upon a time, a beautiful, doll-like boy saw something he should not have. I chased him down and tore off his clothes. Under the blood red moon, lying in sakura petals, I stole more than just his life and soul.

That old temptation of mine, Hisoka Kurosaki (or ‘annoying little boy’, as I like to think of him), has a tendency to get in the way of my obtaining my current temptation. Just when I, by all appearances, seem to have finally gained possession of what would be my most prized and valued object, that annoying little boy comes in and saves the day, in his own little manner.

Of course, one of these days, he’s not going to be around to save that beautiful, chocolate-haired, amethyst-eyed man from me. One of these days I will be able to fulfill my temptation. One of these days is going to come very, very soon…

Bring no evil unto me, for I can bring it unto myself...

I have brought many things that one would consider ‘evil’ into my own body. These ‘evil’ things grant me a power beyond any other man’s comprehension. These ‘evil’ things are what allow me to do my work, no matter what sort, so brilliantly and artistically.

I have never had to make a deal with the Devil, I have never had to sell my soul, and I have never had to bargain with witches. I have brought this ‘evil’ into and unto my own self. I have mastered it, I have tamed it, I have controlled it all on my own.

Many men have tried in the times before my own to take ‘evil’ into themselves and control it, and all that have tried have failed miserably, only to lose their overly-valued lives. I value my own life greatly, but I am willing to sacrifice some of it if it means I will have a better control of my ‘evil’ powers.

That is what sets me apart from the rest. They were too afraid and selfish to give some of their life up just to control their abilities better. That is why, in the end, their lives ended much quicker than they had ever wanted or dreamed of.

My life, though I gave up a part of it, will not end for a long time to come. (And, if I have my way, it may never end.) It is because I was willing to give up a small part of my life in the beginning that I will be able to extend it as long as I plan to. It is because I was willing to give up a few years for my hopes in the beginning that I have gained so much when my end is so far off still.

The end, for me, is so far off in the distance. The end, for all others, is soon to come at my hands…

I hear no evil, except for when I hear my own voice...

It is impossible to hear no evil in the world that we live in, unless you are stone deaf. However, the only evil I have ever heard was the evil in my own voice. Make no mistake, though, that evil is not there on accident. I want it to be there, and I want to hear it, and I want others to hear it as well.

However, for the time being, most only hear an angel when they hear my voice. I am a doctor, after all; An extender of life, a vision of hope, a hero amongst all other men. I am someone others look to for light, hopes, and dreams. I am someone who draws out respect, caring, and joy from others. I am the one others turn to when sick. I am the one others lean upon when weak. I am the one who others willingly thrust their life into the hands of.

To hear my voice, others hear an angel. To hear my voice, I hear the evil that I am so glad to know is there…

I see no evil, except for when I look upon myself...

In the day and age we live in, it in improbable to never see a speck of evil, unless you are fortunate enough to be born blind to this nightmarish hell. I myself have seen many evils, but none have been so evil as the face I see when I look into a mirror.

Everybody else seems quite blind to the dark shadows in my eyes and upon my face. Everybody else seems to not notice the cruelty of the looks I give them. Everybody else seems oblivious to coldness of my smiles. But I do not try to look so angelic as I do. I would be quite happy if people would see the evil that runs through my veins. I would be quite happy if people would see the darkness just under my skin. I would be quite happy if people would see what I really am.

To look at me, you’d think I was an angel. To look at me, my smiles seem like the purest. To look at me, I see the truth, and I hope others will very soon…

I speak no evil, except for every time I say a word...

The cruelest words are those disguised as comforting ones. My words, they are all very cruel, they are all very harsh, they are all very uncaring. Still, when people hear these words spoken by an angelic voice, they assume they are the nicest words ever spoken to anyone. They do not hear my purposeful evil. That’s okay, though, because I can still hear what the words were meant to sound like.

The worst thing anyone alive today thinks I have ever said is ‘I cannot help you any further. It is out of my hands.’ Still, that’s not really so evil as it is true. I have said many evil things, but those words are the worst of all I have ever said, though they are not evil. And yet, when I do speak words in an evil way, nobody will hear anything that is less than nice from me.

To speak these words, you’d still think I’m a nice guy. To speak these words, I can still pick up on the hint of evilness that I put into each and every one…

I am the sliver of shadow formed within the light...

Only in light can there be shadows, and only in shadows can there be death. In the darkest night I appear to all to be a radiant light. But, not all things are as they appear. I am in the light, but I am not of it. I am one of the shadows that has formed in the light.

Unlike the darkness, I am a necessary part of the light. To get rid of me, you would have to remove the light altogether. Unlike the darkness, nobody can tell I am dark, nobody can tell I am evil. Unlike the darkness, I can easily hide the awful things I do. Nobody would even dare to think I, a being of light, would do wrong. But they are all mistaken, for, unlike the darkness, I can be so much more evil than they could ever tell.

I often wander around on dark nights, and people are naturally drawn to my apparent lightness. It is when I have them fully convinced that I am of the light that I show them the truth; the truth that I am really a shadow of evil lurking within the brilliant light they cling to so desperately.

And, when all is said and done, nobody even looks my way as another corpse is found the next day. After all, when there is so much darkness in this world, why blame the light?

Disguised as an angel, I am a devil...

Everyone sees an angel when they look at me. Everyone hears an angel when I speak. Everyone believes I am an angel, sent by God. But they are so very wrong, for I am a devil dressed in white.

I have no wings, for I am no angel. My voice is so soothing only so that I may charm you with my devilish ways. My tongue and words are silver, drawing you to me successfully with the aid of my voice. Your eyes are soothed by looks that you think only God could have given me. But underneath my flawless, angelic looks is the devil I truly am.

They say that God is nature and the Devil technology. If that is so, then my mechanical eye is a bit of my true, devilish side peeking out at the world that thinks of me as an angel. I can only imagine how God must feel, being blamed for my creation. And the real Devil, Satan, Lucifer, Diablo, he must be so upset to have his enemy get the credit for one of his greatest creations.

I am a devil to my core, but I look like an angel. To those that I kill, it must be a blessing to have me be the very last thing they will ever see. At least when they’re dying, they get to think maybe they’ll go to Heaven, as God must surely have sent me for them.

I am in disguise as the angel of death. I am a devil dressed in white. I am what I am, and what I am is nothing holy…

And yet with everything that I am, you still love me...

No matter what I am, what I am not, how I am, or how I am not, I still know that many people feel ‘love’ for me. Many have claimed so, and others who haven’t claimed so still showed they felt it. But, there is one person who has denied loving me, and yet I know he does. That person is also the one who is my greatest temptation, Asato Tsuzuki.

For all he is worth, even though he does deny feeling anything for me, he still reacts so well to my touches and my words. His speaks words of denial, but whenever I look into his eyes or feel his heartbeat I can tell he wants just as strongly the same things that I want.

His heart beats that much faster when I draw closer. His skin grows to be covered in ‘goose bumps’ when I begin to touch. His breath either quickens to an inhuman pace or hitches in his throat. They say actions speak louder than words….and his actions do speak to me. They tell me that he truly does want me, but that he is afraid. That he truly does love me, but he’s still unsure. That he needs me, but he doesn’t want to lean on anyone else.

And it is that truth that tells me you were meant to be mine...

He needn’t worry, though. His actions, though sometimes a bit clouded, are enough to tell me that he loves me back. And that is enough to keep me from ever giving up on him. I will keep chasing this temptation, and I will fulfill it, one day.

With all that I am, I know he is mine. With all that he is, he thinks we are meant to be. And it is this truth that I know and that he thinks that draws me to him. And it is that truth that shows me we were meant to be. And it is that truth that tells me I shall have him yet.